CF Reviews

Excruciatingly Honest Opinions About Health and Fitness Products.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

One Rule for a Flat Stomach!

Really, there's just one rule?

And if we follow it, we can all have a flat stomach?

You've seen the ads all over the internet. They're almost, but not quite as annoying as the woman with the fakest looking wrinkles ever in the history of fake wrinkles, who gets her face magically erased, over and over and over again. (God I HATE THAT AD!!!)

At least the "1 Rule" ad doesn't usually come with a picture, but it's still all over the place. It says there's 1 rule for a flat stomach, and you must Obey it. If you do, you will lose one pound a day, or eleven pounds in two weeks, or 45 pounds in 12 weeks. Whatever. Bottom line: you'll shed buckets of belly fat in no time flat.

Just one simple rule! Do you know what it is? Seems like if it was that powerful, we'd all have heard about from other, more reputable sources. But still... what could they be referring to? Could there really be some simple principle we've all been overlooking?

So raise your hands... (Virtually, that is--unless you want the folks at work looking at you funny). How many of you smart, educated, sophisticated, health-conscious, discerning Cranky Fitness readers just couldn't help yourself and finally had to click on the link to find out the One Rule?

I did.

After swearing to myself, over and over, that I would not let curiosity get the better of me and send traffic (and thus, money) to whatever sleazy entity no doubt lurked behind the come-ons, I finally couldn't help it.

So you want to know what the secret is? As a public service, Cranky Fitness will tell you, so you can avoid soiling yourself by clicking on any of these slimy ads.

Hi Anna! Hi Pam! Hi Brook!

Here's what happens when you click on the "1 rule" ad: you usually end up at someone's blog or web page. There you find out the secret, which we will now reveal.

The secret is buying the right combination of weight loss products. The funny thing is, the products change, so the "1 rule" is really "many rules!" Sometimes it is an acai berry thing and a colon cleanser. Sometimes it Wu Yi, or a mysterious fat burning concoction called Slim 365. Do these products work? Well, they must, right, just look at the photographic evidence!

Photographic Proof the One Rule Is Totally Awesome and Effective

What more do you need? Here is a picture of Pam Burgess, from Burlingame, California. She has 2 kids and a wonderful husband. She lost 45 pounds using a combination of two free trial products she saw on TV! Here is a picture of her in July and another one three months later.

Pam in July, and 3 months later

Still skeptical? Well, there's more proof:

Here's Anna Matthews, who also has 2 kids and a wonderful husband. She also lost 45 pounds using a combination of two free products she saw on TV. Here is a picture of her in October, and another one three months later.

Anna in October, and 3 months later.

Isn't that amazing? Two entirely different women, using different versions of the 1 Rule, with such amazingly similar results! So see, there's nothing at all fishy here to worry about.

Endorsed by Oprah, WebMD, Dr. Oz, and CBS!

Depending on the ad you get, you can read the less questionable claim that some of the ingredients of these products have received favorable attention in the press. But some versions take it further and claim the products themselves are being touted by folks who would obviously know better. WebMD, for example, has since updated its acai berry article to make clear that there is little research supporting the weight loss claims, but it's still being held up as a major endorser of these products.

Scam Scam Scam Scam

Regular readers of Cranky Fitness do not need me to tell them these ads are bogus. But many folks out there do not have the time, energy, or motivation to educate themselves about what it takes to lose weight in a healthy and realistic way. Others know damn well what it takes, but don't want to face the depressing reality of eating less and exercising more. They allow wishful thinking to take over and they order this crap and hope for the best.

Here is a link explaining how at least some of acai berry weight loss scams work. But the fact that I even clicked on one of the little f*ckers just shows you how even the sleaziest of come-ons can be tempting to check out.

Ick, I feel so dirty!!!

Heard of any other Creepy Weight Loss solutions you want to warn folks about? Ever been taken in by one?

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  • I finally got tired of seeing yet another of those ads, and decided that some kind person out there must have clicked through and would be willing to tell me the details of the scam I knew must be behind it all. So I searched, and your column showed up. Well-written, and exactly the info needed. Thank you!

    said Anonymous on February 21, 2009 at 8:34 PM
  • I did the same thing as Kathryn_aka_Kat. I just goggle searched the "one rule to a flat stomach obey" like the ad said and your blog came up. Thanks so much for the information. Now I know what it is w/o clicking the link.

    said Anonymous on May 4, 2009 at 9:45 AM
  • Thank you thank you thank you - those ads were a menace and a wonder to me. I mean, how could I have missed the ONE rule all of these years? I consider myself a rather sensible woman, out to get into better shape, trying to keep life an weight in balance. Thank GOD you have now cleared up the mystery for me.
    I too, tried to find the answer, and got sucked into a horrible miasma of ads that I had to let it go - but it has been haunting me ever since. Ah, sweet relief to finally know that I haven't been missing a thing.

  • Thanks for a great post. I, like your other readers, have seen this add everywhere and was reticent to click on the link, knowing it was just a scam. But what I did find in your article was some sound advice ... as I sit here with my big belly, I know that I must eat more sensibly and excercise more. Oh well no magic formula ... what a surprise

  • In our area, a woman signed up for a parallel of this program. It turns out that the authors(or at least the one we heard of) get your name, family, address, and picture from your sign-up information. She was angry beyond belief, and went through the unsurprisingly tedious cancellation process. Don't go to those blogs!

    said Taylor on July 21, 2009 at 5:50 PM
  • You star - thank you for putting me out of misery. I was getting dangerously close to clicking. Back to eating sensibly and trying to get motivated to go out for a walk. Hooray!

    said Anonymous on August 3, 2009 at 3:04 AM
  • Yeah, the one rule to a flat stomach is to do 100 crunches before you click on these stupid ads.

    said Anonymous on September 16, 2009 at 6:25 AM
  • The best way to beat the parasites selling this crap is to Digg or Stumble-like any articles discrediting them. Like this. That way it gets more internet hits and they lose business. It's a simple act and doesn't take much effort.

    said Anonymous on October 11, 2009 at 6:29 PM
  • Your stupid proof pictures are the same for two different woman you claim are different. Are there loosers that actually buy into this kind for vitamin crap?

    said Anonymous on November 14, 2009 at 8:59 AM
  • Thank you so much for doing this. I too have been sooooo curious and haven't clicked... Thank you for clicking so the rest of us don't have to. You are a martyr for the cause!

  • Yes, thank you so much! I have resisted the ad but it was getting to me especially after all the holiday feasting! I searched for reviews to find the truth instead and landed here. I would like to note on here that Wu-Yi Tea does work! Not necessarily towards a flat stomach specifically but it does aid weight loss in general. I took it religiously for one year and I went from an 18 pant size to a 12-14, depending on brand/cut etc. The only change in my diet and lifestyle was this tea. I am not an affiliate nor did I cash in on the $1000 before and after story they offer. Just thought I would point out that although the Flat Stomach ads come across as tacky and yet another scam, I don't believe they are totally incorrect. I know from personal experience the Wu-Yi Tea product does work, as for the other products these intriguing & misleading ads are endorsing, I have no idea! On an extra note: I have been off the tea for about three months now and other than getting a little puffy over the holidays my pant size has not gone up.

  • Thanx for this. Like others, I didn't really wanna click on the links.

    said Anonymous on September 20, 2010 at 9:54 AM


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