CF Reviews

Excruciatingly Honest Opinions About Health and Fitness Products.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Cranky Fitness Poetry Contest: Why Bother To Exercise?

Photo: spo0nman

A poetry contest on a health blog?

Well, yeah, we did one before, and readers came through! It was a challenging topic (low-cal snacks) and a "modest" prize (a coupon for low-cal snacks), and yet there were some awesome entries!

So we have another one today, with a better prize, inspired by today's post on the main Cranky Fitness page about the claim that vigorous exercise might make you gain weight.

(Anyone buying that? Anyone?)

Well, whatever you think of that notion, I suspect many of you will keep right on exercising. Either you don't believe the folks at Time Magazine, or you have other reasons for wanting to stay active.

Wanna write a little poem, haiku, or a limerick about why you exercise? Or hell, sing a song, draw a cartoon, pen a novel, produce a 3-act play, film a movie, or write and stage an Opera about it? Whatever!

I'm feeling tired of the boring old Random Number Generator and would rather just pick the "best" creative comment on this theme to win our prize for the week. I may ask the assistance of couple of Anonymous Impartial Judges to help me.

However, be warned that judging will be entirely subjective and probably unfair. Be prepared to write the best entry, and then lose out to one that is obviously not nearly as good! That's how these things generally work.

What's the prize?

Glad you asked! Have you heard of these gizmos? It's a SanDisk slotRadio player.

I will quote from the SanDisk website because I haven't gotten to try one yet:

"Introducing slotRadio™ – the instant load music player bundled with a 1,000 song slotRadio™ Mix card. No downloads, no PCs and no work involved. Simply pop the card in the player and enjoy a near-endless supply of full-length tracks. It’s great music, made effortless."

The player retails for $99.99, and the features include:
· FM tuner;
· Integrated belt clip for hands-free listening;
· 1.3 oz and the size of a matchbook;
· Additional genre-specific cards available for purchase;
· Up to 13 hours of battery life between charges.

How to Enter the Cranky Fitness Poetry Contest:

Write a poem or do something else creative to answer the question: why do you bother exercising? If you can leave it in the comments, please do, if it's something especially weird and unwieldy creative, you can email whatever the hell it is to CrabbyMcslacker @ gmail dot com.

Deadline: Tuesday, August 18th.

Winner announced the next day, Wednesday Aug 19th. Check back by Saturday to claim your prize.

Do You Have to Have a U.S. Address to receive the prize?

Sorry, yes. However, if you enter and are not from the U.S., you can still have the glory of winning, and then you can designate a U.S. friend or favorite blogger or secret crush to receive the prize. They will be very grateful, and you will be revealed to be not only talented, but generous too!

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  • roses are red
    sandisk your name
    is one heard round here
    again and AGAIN

    till husband became
    a big music nerd
    the work SANDISK

  • it started with a lick
    and moved to a nibble
    it was the dogs again
    and they wern't after kibble

    i rolled out of bed
    and into my clothes
    i chugged black coffee
    it went up my nose

    they whinged and cried
    and made such a fuss
    its hot its raining
    don't be such a wuss

    to make them happy
    i hike a few miles
    its good for my heart
    it makes them smile

    daily exercise
    in the form of a walk
    sandisk would make them so happy
    i could jam instead of talk

  • Fair warning, this is terrible! LOL We'll call it "freestyle". ;)

    I want to be strong and fit
    I want to be able to punch, kick, and hit

    I want to take my dogs for a run
    I want to live long with my hubby, my loved one

    My attention span is short
    So I change things up often
    To my blog, I report
    So my muscles don’t soften

    I like kickboxing, rowing, and lifting weight;
    I like what I like and do not want to debate

    Hello mountain bike, glad to see you
    We should take a ride soon, we really ought to

    Workout videos and the treadmill, too
    And I’m sure there is more that I will pursue

    I exercise now because I can
    I want to improve, and get stronger and faster than when I began

    I like to be active outside – and listen to tunes
    In the morning, evening, or afternoons

    I hope I win you, oh SanDisk Slot radio player
    What will we rock to – The Crue, G n’ R, or perhaps even Slayer?

  • Ok, so I basically re-worked (stole, borrowed, whatever) the lyrics to Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot. I named it Baby Got Track and posted it to my blog. You can read it here:

    Or you can read it here:

    Oh my God. Becky, look at her stride.
    It is so fast.
    She looks like one of those runner types.
    But you know, who understands those runner types?
    She only runs because she likes to eat.
    Kay? I mean her sprint, she's just so out there.
    I mean ugh, look - she's just so fast!

    I like speed work and I cannot lie
    You other runners can't deny
    That when a girl sprints in with a speedy speedy pace
    and a ponytail in your face
    you get mad
    want to race out tough
    cause you notice that foot was stuffed
    deep in the shoes she's wearin'
    she's hooked and you can stop starin'
    oh baby I wanna pace with ya
    and take yo picture
    my homeboys tried to warn me
    but that pace you set makes me so ornery

    ooh, speedy demon
    you say you wanna run with my friends?
    well chase me, chase me
    cause I ain't that average lady
    I see you racin'
    to hell with that pacin'
    she's sweat, sweat
    got it goin' like a turbo jet
    I'm happy with magazines
    Sayin' speed work is the thing
    Take the average runner and ask him that
    You gotta pack the track
    So Runners (YEAH!) Runners (YEAH!)
    Did your speed work make the cut? (HELL YEAH!)
    Then race it! Race it! Race it! Race it!
    Race that healthy butt!
    Baby got track!

  • Mom on the RUN:

    She laces up her sneakers and hits the road,
    After washing and folding the laundry load.

    Two bites for kiddos and one bite for her,
    Running is a an escape when life is a blur.

    Thighs that rub and boobs that bounce,
    Each step moving toward goals by the ounce.

    She is strong, healthy, amazing, the best,
    If only her kids knew
    long run=rest.

    During the day she wears a strong face,
    Desperately trying to keep up the pace.

    The finish line is not always clear,
    Coming home she is greeted by little cheers.

    Fun contest..

    Thanks! Mel

  • Once upon a time
    As I was drinking a Corona with lime
    A woman suddenly approached me,
    Brushed my leg awkwardly,
    and said, "sorry I thought I saw something there."

    Being polite
    I simply said,
    "nope, thats my cellulite."

    Ever since then,
    I ran and I ran
    until the cellulite disappeared
    Now, I can finally enjoy my beers.

    omg I soooo wanna win this!! its an awesome giveaway!

  • Early morning alarm
    Dribble out of bed
    Fill my water bottle
    Not much is said

    Stumble downstairs
    Flip lights along the way
    DVD begins to whirl
    Wonder how much I weigh

    Stretching is sweet
    Motion to awaken
    Sleepy muscles
    My hips are shakin’

    Lift dumbbells
    Balance in squats
    Cool down quickly
    Wonder is this all for naught?

  • Went to the doctor for my annual exam

    He looked at my belly and said "Wow! God Damn!"

    As he slapped my tummy, it started to jiggle,

    "You've got to do something about this" he giggled.

    It was time for a body remodeling.

    Exercise was needed to stop my overweight waddling.

    Started with walking, worked up to a run

    And who'd a thunk it, I find excerise quite fun!

  • Quitting time again
    Take off the suit
    Put on the sneakers
    Off to meet the ladies

    Round and round we go
    Sometimes event grunting

    We talk about boyfriends, husbands, children, grandchildren
    All ages and walks of life


    We talk about what this means to us
    How we have struggled
    And how we have triumphed
    Over weight, over blood pressure, over diabetes
    Over life itself

    Before we know it, it's over
    Time to go home
    Climb into the car
    Look forward to tomorrow

  • Crabby, you know this

    "something especially [weird and unwieldy] creative"

    is what I do.

    Plus I wouldn't want to subject anyone else to my space opera.
    Plus there is a bribe. :-)
    Lurkers support you in email.

  • Beached whales in tutus;
    Low-impact aerobics class;
    Stationary bikes.

    Dancing with the wolves…
    Playing tennis on the lawn;

    Swimming twenty lengths
    And some water aerobics…
    Water lot of fun!

    Rake a zillion leaves…
    Roller-skating in the park
    Strength training with weights.

    Walk instead of drive;
    Climb the stairs, don’t take the lifts…
    Do elastic bands.

    Get a skipping rope…
    Build those abs by lifting weights;
    Do your barbell curls.

    Oblique twists and turns
    Yoga, Tai Chi and Qui Gong…
    Core stability!

    Stretch. Be flexible.
    Cardiovascular sit-ups…
    Please… not in your dreams!

    Tanja Cilia

  • A limerick for you:

    There once was a young girl called Muffin
    Who tired of her jeans 'a stuffin'.
    She lifted big weights
    And had veggie filled plates
    And when walking, no more is she puffin'.

  • in days of old
    when tales were told
    a lady was a size two
    with 17 inch waist
    and zebra-striped taste
    oh those days were fine!!!

    but alas and alack,
    after two braw lads
    the lady's size didst upwards creep
    to 6, then 8, then NINE,
    her waist was her hipsize before!!!

    so to reduce her great size
    with much moaning and sighs
    to the temple of y she goes
    pumping the iron
    and shaking the booty
    she is down to a size 6 again!!!

    said Anonymous on August 17, 2009 at 5:47 PM


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